My Self-Love Safari
My Journey of Self-Love
“Comparison is a thief of all Joy”
Amy’s grandmother used to say this and it rang a bell
Into my journey of self-love
Fallen into the dark abyss
Of fear, jealousy, scarcity, shame
I feel unloved, unworthy, not enough
I am never enough
My self-love thermometer in the minus
Far away from gratitude and positivity
Engulfed by jealousy and negativity
Deceiving, conniving and never straightforward
Why? Fearing rejection and loss of love
Needing acceptance, understanding and embrace
Dreaming of faith and unconditional love
Detesting being shunned, cut off, rebuked
Criticized, shouting, arguments and ridiculed
All this in my dark place where…
I am lost in my forlorn unavailable heart
Beige and black are my colors
Struggling to get out of this dark pit
Feeling I deserve better than what I have
Craving for more money
Thirsty for love but what is love
Incapable of understanding love
Swept by the crazy competitive corporate culture
Exaggerating, dramatizing, overreacting Drama Queen
Like a sleeping volcano filled with hot lava
Frequent eruptions of anger and hate
Aggressive, judgmental, opinionated
Surrounded by tense relationships
Vicious cycle of blaming myself and others
For all this inexplainable anger
Feeling disappointed and critical of others and myself
Seeking tolerance, love, appreciation from others
But also, only seeing the glass half empty
Looking into the mirror unrecognizable features
Who is this person? What have I become?
Overwhelmed with self-rejection and unworthiness
My self-love thermometer still in the negative
Falling into so much toxicity, my body fell very sick, facing death
I am lost in the abyss of blame and jealousy
My colors are red and orange
Thunder, lightning, striking my core
Wake up or you will lose it all, you will die this way
Can’t you see the silver lining in your cloud?
Slowly seeing all my blessings
Surrendering to my destiny whichever way it will go
Letting go of my harsh, firm grip that was suffocating
Starting to understand what love is
Realizing my epiphany how can I love God and not love myself?
Accepting the hypocrisy for what it is
My self-love thermometer is moving into slight positive
Embracing my life and ready to give it up
Satisfied with all my experiences and achievements
Realizing iotas of self-worth
Initiating my understanding of the meaning of forgiveness
Making peace with some people I had wronged
Feeling courage, hope, trusting the divine plan
Growing and nurturing my faith
Motivated and inspired to be a better version of myself
Needing support, love and encouragement of my loved ones
Looking into the mirror starting to know this person
Start to love and accept who I am
My colors are purple and green
Finally having the time to slow down and reflect on my life
Connecting the dots
Understanding the divine master plan
Knowing that every challenge is a gift
In disguise, cherishing this gift
Seeing it as an opportunity to correct my course
Confident and clear in the silver lining in my cloud
Previously being blinded by it
It’s really up to me to be open, trusting, accepting
To see the silver lining shining
To notice the new door opening for me
Promising me a life of love and light, beyond it
Pieces of the puzzle finally coming into place
Realizing for me to grow and live a happy life
I need more love in my life
To thrive and be the beacon of light
I am meant to be
I need to work on my energy
Wiser than my years
Needing people to seek my support
Ecstatic to be seen as a wise person
With valuable lessons to share
Feeling loved, worthy, recognized and respected
Self-love thermometer is in the mid positive
My color is bright yellow
On and off like a light bulb
I am able to live in the flow
Letting go of my need to control
Enjoying these momentous moments momentarily
Seeking and radiating positive energy
Realizing all that matters is energy and love
Focusing on what I want for it to grow
Inspiring to be more loving lovable lovely light
Being more in the know
Meditating, reiki, be mindfully in the present
Needing my family to support me
Maybe even join me sometimes
Feeling finally confident, competent, content
Enjoying helping others, the secret to life
My self-love thermometer bubbly in the positive
My color is turquoise
This is my safari in to self-love
Nadine Moussa
13 August, 2021
Ras El Hikma